38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
