when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
