I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
