yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
