Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
