let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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