and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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