guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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