walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
