Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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