The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
