I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
