the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
