id be glad to
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
