Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
