Can i not drive my cunt home
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
