he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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