4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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