she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The struggles of a small town man whore
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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