She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
