Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
