she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
