WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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