I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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