im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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