Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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