She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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