Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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