Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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