I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
