dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
