why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
