College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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