Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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