Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
