I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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