I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
