1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
