I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
