We're like a lot better than the average bears
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
