I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
