Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
