I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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