Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
