you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
