She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
