At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
