he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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