Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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