My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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